El tiquete ya comprado

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Por Felipe Parra

Dentro de nuestros huesos –cuenta la leyenda- habitamos como dentro de un castillo,
y vivimos eras geológicas enteras desde que nacemos y empezamos a desarrollarnos.
Y es emocionante y amplio pero algún día
hay que abrir la puerta para dejar salir lo que somos. Para nunca volver.

Envejecer a todo esto se enlaza y le compete,
uno aterrado de la urgencia no de visitar o llegar sino de pagar, endeudarse, comer, repetir,
cuando cada línea y cada mancha o golpe en la piel es mi derecho,
mi contrato –por así decirlo- con el planeta que me da mangos y memes de perritos y loros narrando deportes y Twitter y Steven Universe y los Thundercats.

Yo, en cambio, le subarriendo a organismos más pequeños mi pérdida de tiempo y ellos me cuidan de lo antiséptico.

Hacer panza y peso por todo,
luego ser sequedad cuando haya que pensionarse.
Es un visto en Whatsapp de tu hijo porque tu nieta está enferma, eso es envejecer sin el sabor a ser, pero empuñando el debo.
No viéndose bien el cómo saber hacer dinero, o valerse por sí mismo frente a un jefe, o haber vivido buenos orgasmos.

Como si uno saliera de un cuarto oscuro y, para ir a la calle, tuvieran que caminar los pasos bajo un cielo de luz violeta fría
y el corazón gruñe al estirarse porque hace ruiditos para que sepas que registró tensiones,
porque la vejez también llega con amar a personas con enfermedades terminales,
y que tu voz se vuelva como un telón de fondo en el que eres un árbol desarrollado pero no totalmente libre,

como un bonsái, uno que sostiene sobre sus ramas la grabadora del podcast con que entretienes a otros anormales,
a otros enamorados de gente que fallece a cuotas.

Así, el corazón es convertido en un tejido pluricelular de excusas, palpitar es una lección de biología sobre la anatomía de la célula:
amar a medida que envejeces es engolfar el corazón de otra persona y fagocitarles las respuestas con tu ausencia.
Entonces va pasando el tiempo y haces ping-pong energético con la muerte. Poc, poc, poc (bola con efecto), poc (elevación), poc (ganaste el punto), poc…

Para. Piensa. Que también es envejecer el querer un aplauso por salir del agujero que cavaste por el peso de tantas manos sobre ti: tu clavícula es tuya,
y tuya nada más para hacer fiesta o morgue.
Envejecer es también sentenciarla a ella y regañarlo a él
mientras les dices a ambos que hay una sola hora para explorar: trap y hip-hop y rock en el hipocampo mientras ves cómo se brinca de labio en labia y venosas en venosas. Sin mente. ¿Y gratis, preferiblemente?
Son músculos y articulaciones hablándote de las mentiras que negaste antes…
todos esos fines de años y cumpleaños opacos.
Vejez es añadirle decimales más profundos a la raza, lo que deseas después del beso, las velas que quemas y la diosa a la que ofrendas tu cerveza y tu meditación
o al dios que le ofreces esas decisiones que te darán fruto.
Es que no quiero conocer mis enfermedades, porque quiero morir y hacerlo recuperando mi terrón cúbico de azúcar, como si mi voluntad de desconectar fueran hormigas que, cuando mi sincronía limpia, puedo hacer que muevan con sus patitas todos esos trocitos de mi dulce cerebro desordenado sobre la mesa del comedor…

 

Estoy. Voy. Soy.
Cruel y magnífico, podado pero voy condensando mi verde en un mínimo espacio sobre la mesa de un detallista monstruo galáctico,
uno que me sigue dando vida pero de a gotitas, de a golpes de rociador y dejándome el mínimo de mullido conocido,
la vitalidad al mismo tiempo me va abandonando y me va ayudando a trazar mi trocito de nebulosa a salvo de la muerte
condensada la vida nueva de los que quedarán y que ahora son pequeñitos
pero sabrán ser árbol gigante. Y ojalá, uno desea, que sean bosque.

 

Pensé que las arrugas eran mis propios tatuajes especiales, pero estas sólo ensalzan la fuerza que emana de la propia memoria sobre una piel. Me toco las orejas –que nunca paran de crecer, de hacerme humanamente vulnerable- y me saco suavemente los aretes.
Metal, cilindro y puntas.
Ser otra cosa.
Sé que se maldice envejecer también porque se prohíbe estar triste de no ser una mujer cuando al fin llega el tiempo de añejarse.
Porque envejecer es ser feliz aprendiendo vía anime qué es el mundo
y que los demás te regañen por no ser un comprador compulsivo de bocadillos
y que te digan que hasta las almendras son de citadino
pero aún así,
saber que en tu pecho hay aliento para patear el televisor a la hora del almuerzo.
Esto es y será extrañar la frescura de depredar y, por un momento,

poder ser un vampiro hermoso.

Como se me prometió que sería por crecer.

Felipe Parra. Estudió Artes Plásticas en Bogotá y un poco en el IUNA en Buenos Aires y quiere el énfasis de Dibujo en Técnica Mixta para estos años. Trabajó varios años con la Editorial El Pauro SRL en Santa Cruz de la Sierra (Bolivia) como Asesor Estético: revisando libros y coordinando imágenes con contenido. Le gustaría levantarse y ver que su trabajo pueda hablar con todo tipo de mentes. Le gusta el té, Paramore tanto como Diamante Eléctrico, y conocer todo el trabajo Latinx de esta era global.

Escritos:
https://aguaynotas.wordpress.com/
Dibujos (en construcción):
https://www.flickr.com/photos/jalule y en https://mutantoide.tumblr.com/