Hysteria Revista de sexualidad y cultura
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Unicornio por Omar-González-López
por V de Vayaina
Esto que sabemos
Tengo la palabra on the tip of the tongue. Pero no puedo reconocerla, mucho menos externarla. I lick my lips to get a better taste, a ver si puedo recordar de qué se trata. ¿Será en inglés? ¿Será en español? Cuando hablo conmigo misma, hablo en inglés, porque me siento otra hablándome a mí. Porca miseria! Me quejaba en italiano, no era yo, era la intensa que dejaba salir maldiciones de su boca, como un vómito cálido con aroma a café. “Per trovarsi è bisogno stare da sola”, me repetía los días que no sabía ni quien era. But I’m no more me, it’s us, y quién sabe.
For years, I thought that I was going mad, especially that night in the park, by myself and on LSD. “Mírate ―me dije en español, la lengua que más me toca― sentada con las piernas abiertas, los pantalones de mezclilla más rotos y fumando los mismos Marlboro rojos que fuma tu padre”. Me reía de mí misma, era una broma de señorita, listoncito rojo el pelo nada más para disimular que estaba hasta mi PUTA MADRE, y que era yo la que despedía el olor a hierba. “Oh, no. ¿Por qué los lobos andan tras de mí” Me seguía riendo, pero no podía evitar sentir el punzar de los tímpanos al ritmo de arpegios de ramas al viento: Something wrong is going to happen, sweetie.
Cerca de 10 policías entre hombres y mujeres me rodearon sin más y revisaron mis cosas. En el estado en el que me encontraba, me sorprende la naturalidad con la que encendí el cigarrillo y pregunte “¿todo bien, oficial?”. Afortunadamente la pañoletita roja en la cabeza hizo su labor, no despistó a lxs policías, pero si guardó bien la bachita del porro que me había estado fumando minutos antes. Pobres imbéciles, terminaron por irse.
Years later, I had the same sensation. I was in that party in the roof of an old building en la Condesa, full of wankers whose only wish was that their dark skin and su infancia en Ecatapec desapareciera from this earth forever. I was tired and drunk, waiting for the sun to shine to go home, or anywhere. But I didn’t. I walked into that room, and the rest, is a story we can guess. Why I didn’t listen to myself? is a mystery sin lugar en este escrito.
We whores have a gift, el poder de percibir el aliento del lobo detrás de tu oreja erizando tus vellos. We can sense what is about to happen and what has happened before. Cuándo somos bienvenidxs, y cuándo no. Podemos oler el miedo, la tensión de las almas intranquilas y reconocer las palabras vacías.
Gloria Anzaldúa nombra a este don como La facultad, y la define como “la capacidad de ver en la superficie de los fenómenos el significado de realidades más profundas, to see the deeper structure below the surface.” Esta facultad habita en todxs nosotrxs, pero lxs que realmente pueden leer el viento somos esta raza, lxs anormales. Dice Anzaldúa: “Those who are pushed out of the tribe for being different are likely to become more sensitized (when not brutalized into insensitivity). Those who do not feel psychologically or physically safe in the world are more apt to develop this sense. Those who are pounced on the most have it the strongest―the females, the homosexuals of all races, the darkskinned, the outcast, the persecuted, the marginalized, the foreign.”[1]
En “Bordelands, La Frontera: The New Mestiza”, Andalzúa les regala risas a lxs seres que me habitan, cuando habla sobre mitos prehispánicos que dicen que para balancear la anormalidad de ciertos cuerpos, como aquellxs intersexuales, las deidades lxs recompensan con el don de poder ver el mundo con mayor profundidad. ¡Y cómo no van a comprehender mejor el mundo si han tenido la fortuna de ser todo al mismo tiempo! Occidente tiene un personaje similar, el buen Tiresias, el ciego de sexualidad transitoria, el anormal más clásico de la historia. Tiresias, ese que fue hombre, luego mujer y de nuevo hombre, ciego por castigo de Hera, o quizá de Atenea por espiarla mientras se bañaba. Ciego, TRANS y con la capacidad de adivinar el futuro, sin duda es un balance, al menos, al juicio caprichoso de lxs diosxs.
Nosotrxs somos monstruxs mestizxs, con la carne morena teniendo sexo por Skype. Traidores de lengua viperina que puede decirlo todo, de todas las maneras. Guardamos dentro la magia desprestigiada por occidente, pero también tenemos sus ideas para lanzarles un conjuro en su lengua. Recibimos la lección, pero volvemos a salir. Nunca vamos a entender, nos resistimos a entender, rechazamos entender, por eso el mundo nos teme, porque destruimos, pero también construimos. Somos mil dentro de una cabeza y dos mil fuera. Gozamos al darle caos a la inercia y no hay nada qué justificar. In bocca al lupo, quimeras.
[1] “Aquellxs expulsadxs de la tribu por ser diferentes son más propensos a volverse más sensibles (cuando no, forzados brutalmente hacia la insensibilidad). Aquellxs que no se sienten psicológica o físicamente a salvo en este mundo son más capaces de desarrollar este sentido. Aquellxs golpeadxs en lo más profundo, lo tienen más presente: las mujeres, las maricas de todas las razas, la gente de piel oscura, lxs parias, lxs perseguidxs, lxs margindxs, lxs extranjerxs.” Mi traducción cuirtz.
